• Random jokes
  • I broke up with this girl by e-mail. Is that a bad way to do it? I don't know what made her more mad -- that I did it by e-mail, or the fact that I cc'd my new girlfriend who wanted proof of the breakup.
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    Marriage
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  • A grandson runs up to his grandfather and asks him if he can talk like a frog."Of course not," says the grandfather. A few minutes later, his granddaughter asks him the same question."No, of course not. Why are you both asking me this?"The granddaughter replies, "Dad said that when you croak, we can go to Disneyland."
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    Dark Humor
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  • Chuck Norris stopped playing golf after that unfortunate incident with the dinosaurs.
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    Chuck Norris
    dinosaur
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  • Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square. The mayor sees him and asks, "Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?" "I'm taking her to the bulls so she would get impregnated," answers Johnny. The mayor is shocked, "Surely your father had better be doing that?" Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, "Nah, I think it's really best left with the bulls."
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    cop
    little Johnny

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  • The best jokes voted by users
  • Chuck Norris can put out a fire using nothing but gasoline.
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    Chuck Norris

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  • Two rednecks walk down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what's in the sack.The first man says, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight."The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack."Well, I'll tell you," replies the first redneck, "If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack, I'll give them both to you."
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    Animal
    Blue Collar
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  • Q: What do you call a guy with a blue penis?A: A tight-fisted wanker.
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    Dirty
    Men/Women
    Nationality
    News & Politics
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  • Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own. A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, "What's wrong, Bill?" "Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" His wife gasps, "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh, um, she got fired, too."
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    doctor
    god
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    work

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  • Put strobe headlights in my car to make the deer run slower.
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    Animal
    Blue Collar
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    Travel & Car

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  • A guy goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that. "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and a hundred dollars seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."
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    marriage

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  • Q: What do a penis and a Rubik's Cubes have in common? A: The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
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    dirty
    game
    masturbation

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  • Son: "Daddy; why some of your hairs have turned white?" Father: "Every lie told by you makes one of my hairs white." Son: "Oh now I understood why all grandfathers' hairs are white."
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    age
    communication
    dad
    family
    kids

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  • It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
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    marriage

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  • I haven't seen you run that fast since Twinkies went on sale.
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    Insults
    Miscellaneous

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