• Random jokes
  • A women came home one day with a mirror and told her husband it was magic. Her husband told her to prove it.She said watch, ''Mirror, mirror on the wall, make my boobs biggest of all.''Sure enough, they grew huge.The husband was amazed and said, "Ooh, oooh, let me try! Mirror, mirror show me more, make my dick touch the floor.''His legs fell off.
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    Dirty
    Men/Women
    Miscellaneous

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  • Chuck Norris can simply walk into Mordor.
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    Chuck Norris

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  • Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? A. They both live off dead Beatles.
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    black humor
    death
    music

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  • And these kids do not deserve a present from me, because they have not been eating well this year, - said Santa Claus, flying over the starving kids in Sudan.
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    black humor

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  • The best jokes voted by users
  • Chuck Norris can put out a fire using nothing but gasoline.
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    Chuck Norris

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  • Two rednecks walk down a dirt path. One man has a big sack over his shoulder. The other man asks what's in the sack.The first man says, "I got me some chickens for dinner tonight."The other man asks how many chickens are in the sack."Well, I'll tell you," replies the first redneck, "If you can guess how many chickens I got in this here sack, I'll give them both to you."
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    Animal
    Blue Collar
    Miscellaneous

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  • Q: What do you call a guy with a blue penis?A: A tight-fisted wanker.
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    Dirty
    Men/Women
    Nationality
    News & Politics
    Miscellaneous

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  • Bill has worked in a pickle factory for several years. One day he confesses to his wife that he has a terrible urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own. A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. His wife asks, "What's wrong, Bill?" "Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" His wife gasps, "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh, um, she got fired, too."
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    doctor
    god
    marriage
    wife
    work

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  • Put strobe headlights in my car to make the deer run slower.
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    Animal
    Blue Collar
    Miscellaneous
    Travel & Car

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  • A guy goes into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a $100 bill on his penis. Curious, the tattoo artist asks him why he would possibly want that. "Three reasons: I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and a hundred dollars seems to be the only thing my wife will blow these days."
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    marriage

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  • Q: What do a penis and a Rubik's Cubes have in common? A: The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
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    dirty
    game
    masturbation

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  • It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
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    marriage

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  • I haven't seen you run that fast since Twinkies went on sale.
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    Insults
    Miscellaneous

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  • Three sisters decided to get married on the same day to save their parents the expense of separate weddings. As a further step to reduce the price tag, the three sisters resolved to spend their honeymoon night at home. Later that night, their mother couldn’t sleep, so she went to the kitchen for a cup of tea. On her way, she tiptoed by her oldest daughter’s bedroom and heard her screaming. The mother thought to herself, “That’s normal, especially on her wedding night.” She snuck by her second oldest daughter’s room and heard her laughing. “That’s normal too,” she said, smiling to herself. Finally, she slipped by her youngest daughter’s room where she didn’t hear a peep, but she thought nothing of it. The next morning in the kitchen, after the husbands had gone out, the woman asked her eldest daughter about last night’s noises. “Well Mom,” she replied, “you always said if it hurt I should scream.” “You’re absolutely right sweetheart, ”the mother assured her, turning to her middle daughter. “Now why were you laughing?” she asked. “You always said if it tickled, I could laugh,” she answered. “True enough, honey.” The mother smiled, remembering her newlywed days. “Now it’s your turn, baby,” she said turning to her youngest daughter. “Why was it so quiet in your room last night?” “Mom, don’t you remember? You always told me never to talk with my mouth full.”
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    dirty
    holiday
    marriage
    sex
    wedding

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