Son: "Daddy; why some of your hairs have turned white?"
Father: "Every lie told by you makes one of my hairs white."
Son: "Oh now I understood why all grandfathers' hairs are white."
I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today.
We were walking around and soon he said, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!”
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us.
“What did you just call it?” I asked.
“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.
I hope the next ridiculously popular Facebook trend is shutting the fuck up.
As I shopped, the following announcement came over the department store's PA system:
"If someone here has a convertible with the top down, it just started raining. Towels are located in aisle five."
A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.
The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."
The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".
The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"
"No" says the boy, "he minded his own fucking business."
Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog's paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
I don't have a huge penis, but I had everything in my bedroom built to three-quarters scale so it looks bigger.
Question: Why are hurricanes sometimes named after women?
Answer: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
How do you get a Mexican chick to blow you?
You decorate your wiener with leaves.
Trust me, Mexicans love blowing leaves.
Q: Where do you find a no-legged dog?A: Right where you left him.