• The best jokes voted by users
  • I just don't understand how they get the people to blow themselves up. That's a tough sell. They say, what -- 15 virgins, or something like that, when you get to heaven? That don't work here in America. Give me one good ho here on earth.
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    Dark Humor
    Dirty
    God
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    Miscellaneous

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  • One day little Johnny was digging a hole in his back yard. The next-door neighbor spotted him and decided to investigate. "Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" he asked. "My goldfish died and I'm gonna bury him," Johnny replied. "That's a really big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" asked the neighbor. "That's because he's inside your cat!"
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    animal
    death
    little Johnny

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  • There's no relationship here, Travis. I tell you what I want: you go get it; I give you some money; then, you go away -- like a food hooker.
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    Dirty
    Food
    Insults
    Men/Women
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    Work

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  • Q: What does an SEO and part-time chiropractor work on? A: Your bad backlinks.
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    geek
    internet
    IT
    technology
    work

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  • Yo mama's so overweight she kills thousands just by sitting down.
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    death
    fat
    Yo mama

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  • People think you're an idiot. I don't know where they get that idea. But when they hear my accent for the first time, I can tell they're looking at me and they're just waiting for me to say something like, 'What are shoes for?'
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    Blue Collar
    Insults
    Miscellaneous

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  • My friends from L.A. stop me and say, 'Maria, you already do so much. You make people laugh; it's the greatest gift in the world.' I only do that, like, four minutes a day, if it's going well. Maybe in the off-time, I could sponge bathe the dying or just hose things off a little bit.
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    Miscellaneous
    Work

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  • Everybody's dead on the inside. That's the worst kind of dead. Scarier than dead on the outside. You're dead on the inside, you can still vote.
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    Dark Humor
    Miscellaneous

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  • Yo mama so stupid she stuck her face into a book to make a Facebook.
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    Facebook
    insulting
    stupid
    Yo mama

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  • Three men were talking about their teenage daughters: The first says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and found a packet of cigarettes. I didn't even know she smoked". The second says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank". Then the third speaks up. "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a penis".
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    alcohol
    kids
    teen

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