• The best jokes voted by users
  • Could you imagine the wonderful, beautiful poop that this thing must take? That's why they beat their chest. I'd be beating my chest, too, if I had 60 pounds of crap comin' out of me.
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  • Yo' Mama is so flat, pirates can't wait to get their hands her a sunken chest.
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  • The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has anybody got a cock?  All the men stood up. 'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?'  All the women stood up.  'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn' t belong to them?'  Half the women stood up.  'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?'  Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up. The priest fainted.
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  • Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?A: A sheep.
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  • An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head."Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper.""What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
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  • You're supposed to put it on the dog's stitches or his butt. The vet says the dog will not lick the salve because the salve tastes bad to the dog. Hello? He's already licking his ass.
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