When I reached to a desert island I didn't find anybody; so I turned home!
An Australian guy walks into a bar with a crocodile under his arm.
He asks the bartender if he will give him free drinks if he shows he can put his penis inside the crocs mouth for 15 seconds without it getting bit off.
The bartender agrees.
The guy opens the crocs mouth and puts his penis inside it; the croc gently closes his mouth and after 15 seconds the Australian hits him over the head with a bottle, causing the croc to open his mouth and let the guy withdraw his penis.
The bartender starts serving the free drinks to the Austr alian and then tells everyone in the bar "If anyone else can do that then I will give them free drinks also".
There is a pause and then a blonde woman calls out "ok, I will do it but please don't hit me so hard over my head with the bottle".
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
America doesn't need a military...
We've got Chuck Norris
Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra?
Now he's hard up.
Yo momma so fat, she bounced over Wal-Mart, rolled over KMart, and landed on target.