• The best jokes voted by users
  • The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church. One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing. He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church. During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has anybody got a cock?  All the men stood up. 'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?'  All the women stood up.  'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn' t belong to them?'  Half the women stood up.  'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?'  Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up. The priest fainted.
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  • An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head."Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper.""What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."
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  • Could you imagine the wonderful, beautiful poop that this thing must take? That's why they beat their chest. I'd be beating my chest, too, if I had 60 pounds of crap comin' out of me.
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  • A farmer and a son live on a farm. The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when his son comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid. He is so excited because he's just milked a cow. Then he takes a big drink from the glass. His father just stares at him."Son, we don't have a cow. We have a bull."
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  • Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?A: A sheep.
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  • You're supposed to put it on the dog's stitches or his butt. The vet says the dog will not lick the salve because the salve tastes bad to the dog. Hello? He's already licking his ass.
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