I went out last night, and I got back at the hotel at 7:30 this morning. I went up to the desk to leave a wake-up call for 7:00. The lady goes, 'Mr. White, it's past 7:00.' 'No, the next one. You got another one coming around, don't you? Why don't you just put me on that one? I hear they're running two a day through New York City.'
A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in.One grabbed the trucker's cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker's coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn't say a word as he paid the waitress and left.As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, "He ain't much of a man, is he?""He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress replied. "He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles."
I just hear the DJ on the radio in my car; I hear, 'Bob from Charlotte, you're on the line. Bob, what do you have to say?' 'Six!' 'Next caller, Dan.' '14!' This went on for like eight minutes -- it's like some sort of inbred, bastardized bingo's taking place.
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter: "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. "Dear husband, you wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up the back garden."The prisoner writes back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
A woman goes to an accountant to file her taxes.The accountant says, "Before we begin, I need to ask a few questions. What is your occupation?"The woman replies, "I'm a whore."The accountant says, "No, no, no. That is much too crass. Let's try to rephrase that."The woman replies, "OK, I'm a prostitute.""No, that is still too crude. Try again."They both think for a minute, then the woman states, "I'm a chicken farmer."The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?""Well, I raised over 5,000 c**ks last year."