Best Insults funny jokes

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  • Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?A: One's a slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling scavenger; the other is a fish.
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  • Q: What's the difference between a cow's tail and a man's tie?A: The cow's tail hides the entire a**hole.
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  • We don't not-eat the dolphins because they're cute. We don't eat the dolphins because they're 'intelligent' -- people have said that to me -- which I think is really stupid logic. I suppose if you're going to use that kind of rationale, then we should be eating the retarded.
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  • Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a prostitute?A: A two-ton pick-up.
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  • Q: What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?A: Stick his bill up his ass.
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  • Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?A: Professional courtesy.
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  • A fellow always wanted to own a pet skunk, so in the dead of winter, he took his girlfriend with him to go hunting for one.After a bit of waiting, they bagged a skunk and brought him back to the truck. The skunk was very scared and very cold, so the guy asks his girlfriend if she can keep the skunk between her legs to keep him warm."But what about the smell?" asks his girlfriend."Oh, he'll get used to it, just like I did."
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    Gross

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  • Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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  • A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed."The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips."The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping."Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?"The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."
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    Walks into a Bar

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  • -- They don't listen.-- They don't come in when you call.-- They like to stay out all night.-- Only when you are trying to get things done do they want your attention.-- Mostly, they like to be left alone to sleep.
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