Best Chocolate funny jokes

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  • The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
    At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
    The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray,
    "Take only one. God is watching."
    Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
    One child whispered to another, "Take all you want.
    God is watching the apples."
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    catholic
    chocolate
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    god
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  • A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar.
    The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."
    The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".
    The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"
    "No" says the boy, "he minded his own fucking business."
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    age
    business
    chocolate
    kids

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  • A elderly retiree wobbled gingerly into an ice cream shoppe and carefully, slowly climbed up onto a counter stool.
    He wheezed for a minute, then ordered a chocolate sundae.
    “Crushed nuts?” asked the server.
    “No,” he answered.
    “Bad knees.”
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    chocolate
    dirty
    old people

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  • Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex:
    - You can GET chocolate.
    - Chocolate satisfies even when it's gone soft.
    - You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.
    - You can have chocolate in in public.
    - If you bite the nuts, the chocolate won't mind.
    - The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.
    - You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.
    - No need to fake your enjoyment of chocolate.
    - Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.
    - You can have chocolate at any time of the month.
    - You are never too young or too old for chocolate.
    - Size doesn't matter - though more is still better.
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    chocolate
    dirty
    sex

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  • Q: How can you tell that a blonde been baking chocolate chip cookies?
    A: There are M&M shells all over the floor.
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    blonde
    chocolate
    food
    stupid

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  • Q: Why did the blonde buy a brown cow?
    A: To get chocolate milk.
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    animal
    blonde
    chocolate
    stupid

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  • A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English.
    Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors.
    When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?"
    "You mean J.C?", responds the alien.
    "yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok".
    Surprised, the pope follows up with "He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!"
    The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?"
    The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?"
    The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"
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    chocolate
    christian
    communication
    religious
    time

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  • An old man and a young man work together in an office.
    The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.
    One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.
    "Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies.
    "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."
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    age
    chocolate
    disgusting
    food
    work

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  • Are your legs made of Nutella?
    Because I'd love to spread them!
  • More jokes about ...
    chocolate
    dirty
    flirt
    food
    sex

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  • Q: Why did they invent white chocolate?
    A: So all black kids could get their faces messy too.
  • More jokes about ...
    black people
    chocolate
    racist

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