All the jokes -

Jokes about: Dark Humor

  • Jim Gaffigan: When You Think of Indiana
  • I am originally from Indiana. I know what most of you are thinking: Indiana -- mafia.

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    Jokes about: Blue Collar, Dark Humor, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Ngaio Bealum: Love Rednecks
  • I love rednecks. I have a heart of a redneck -- in a jar.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Dark Humor, Miscellaneous

  • Towards and Away
  • A fisherman and his wife had twin sons named Towards and Away.

    Once the boys were grown, the fisherman took them out to sea to learn the family fishing trade.

    A week later, the mother saw her husband dock the boat all alone.

    "Oh no! What has happ

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Dirty, Marriage, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Clearly Cheating
  • At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."

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    Jokes about: Blonde, Dark Humor, Insults, Men/Women, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Revenge of the Blondes
  • Q: What is black and blue and brown, and lies in a ditch?

    A: A brunette who has told too many blonde jokes.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Laura Kightlinger: Talk Show Themes
  • I think that talk show themes have finally gone too far. I was watching a show where three people came out and they started talking about their failed attempts at suicide. And after it was over, they flashed a 1-800 number across the screen, so you could

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    Jokes about: Miscellaneous, Dark Humor

  • Hostage Situation
  • If a schizophrenic threatens to commit suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Nationality, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Rene Hicks: Advice to Gang Members
  • If gang members have to kill, kill constructively -- kill some Ku Klux Klan.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Miscellaneous

  • Jeff Ross: Bill Gates Hire
  • Bill Gates is so rich he hired cancer to kill Steve Jobs.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Lester Barrie: Solution to the Gang Problem
  • It gives me a solution to this whole inner city gang problem that we seem to be having. I just got to get some people behind me, right? I think we need about 20 or 25 grandmothers, give them all belts and do one big drive-by whupping on these kids.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Kids, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Gregg Rogell: Cause of Death
  • The number two cause of death among teenagers in America today are guns. You know the number one cause of death? Not having a gun.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Andy Kindler: Two Choices in Life
  • Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over.

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    Jokes about: Miscellaneous, Dark Humor

  • Clip Clop Bang
  • A: An Amish drive-by shooting.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Dirty, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Zombie Booty Call... Hard
  • Hey babe, rigor mortis has set in, if you know what I mean...

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Natasha Leggero: LA Gang Tours
  • For $100 you can get a seat on this tour bus that takes you to the most dangerous parts of Los Angeles. I know because it goes past my house.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Men/Women, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Dishwasher Starter
  • A: Kick him in the ass.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Dirty, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Jeff Ross: Recent Death
  • In honor of the recent death of coach Joe Paterno, I think we should all take 12 years of silence.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Dark Humor, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Brian Kiley: Shot an Elk
  • I went hunting for the first time. I shot an elk. I felt really bad at first, but the guy was wearing a plaid leisure suit.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Dark Humor, Miscellaneous

  • Tom Cotter: Favorite Possessions
  • In her will, my grandmother stipulated that she wanted to be buried with all of her favorite possessions. Her cat was not happy about that decision.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Dirty, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Zombie Booty Call... Grave
  • What time do you have to be back in Heaven? Because I have to be back in my grave in about six hours.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Miscellaneous, Technology

  • Jeff Ross: Working for Steve Jobs
  • Everybody wanted to work for Steve Jobs -- except his pancreas.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Insults, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lucky Breaks & Crying Shames
  • Q: What is the definition of a "lucky break"?

    A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

    Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

    A: There was an empty seat.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Miscellaneous, Technology

  • Bill Gates in Hell
  • Bill Gates goes to purgatory.

    St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".

    First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women run

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes

  • Andy Blitz: Boxing Explanation
  • I think violence is wonderful, but what I object to in boxing is the total lack of explanation as to what happened between these guys to cause this fight to break out.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton
  • Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but only one can get into the pearly gates.

    St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. Elizabeth takes out a douche bottle and douches herself.

    St. Peter asks D

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Insults, Lawyer, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Plastered Lawyers
  • Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?

    A: It depends how hard you throw them.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes

  • Matt Iseman: Death Penalty
  • There is nothing funny about the death penalty -- except the name. Folks, death is not a penalty; 10 yards is a penalty.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Nationality, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Carlos Mencia: Bombing Japan
  • We dropped two bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, and the name of the plane that delivered the weapons was the Enola Gay. Do you know why? Because we wanted them to know that they were about to get boned in the ass.

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    Jokes about: Miscellaneous, Money, Dark Humor

  • War on Poverty
  • Did you hear about the woman who was waging a war on poverty?

    She bombed the soup kitchen.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Brian Posehn: Riot Footage
  • Whenever you see riot footage on TV -- you know, someone throwing a brick in Pakistan or somebody throwing a fiery piece of pooh through a Starbucks window up in Seattle -- you ever see anybody throwing anything underhand? I think it just takes all the ag

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Men/Women, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Two Black Eyes for a Favor
  • A man walks into work with two black eyes. His boss asks what happened.

    The man says, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around a

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Police & Military, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Jim Breuer: Mosh Pits
  • The band starts playing, and everyone just starts running around and pouncing each other to show how much they like the band. What happened to clapping, man?

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Dirty, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Zombie Booty Call... Angel
  • Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven? Oh no, it was probably when I ate your brain.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Kids, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Bonnie McFarlane: Never Hit a Baby
  • Never hit a baby, even if they start it.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Marriage, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Dead Again
  • As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Kids, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Shane Mauss: Baby Self-Defense
  • What I do for self-defense is I carry a baby around with me. I was thinking about it -- what kind of a person, no, what kind of a monster would attack someone that will hit them with a baby?

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Kids, Miscellaneous

  • Kurt Braunohler: Slept Like a Baby
  • Slept like a baby last night. I woke up every two hours screaming in the dark and then I sh*t my pants and almost died for, like, no reason whatsoever.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Sue Murphy: Joined a Gym
  • I moved to L.A., so, you know, I joined a gym, because it was either that or a gang.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor

  • Two Men Hunting
  • So the hunter said, "Okay." Then he left the phone, there was a long pause, then a gun shot.
    The hunter got back on the phone and said "Okay, now what?"

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor

  • The Bum
  • Q: What does a bum call a dumpster.

    A: Bed and Breakfast.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Miscellaneous

  • Bear & Rabbit
  • A bear was taking a dump in the forest when a rabbit walked by. The bear said, "Hey rabbit, does poo stick to your fur?"

    "No," replied the rabbit.

    The bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Kids, Miscellaneous

  • Ben Kronberg: Bun in the Oven
  • A bun in the oven is cute, but a baby in the oven is horrifying.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Nationality, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Bill Santiago: Specific Ethnic Reality
  • Your specific reality depends on where your people come from, right? For example, Mexicans get shot trying to get into this country, Cubans get shot trying to get out of their own country, Puerto Ricans get shot just for trying to have a country.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Police & Military, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Mickey & Donald in a Foxhole
  • A: Because Donald ducked.

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    Jokes about: Police & Military, Dark Humor

  • Flap Jacket
  • A: So the Marine have something to hold on to.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Dirty, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous, Technology

  • Robot Booty Call... Angel
  • Am I dead, Angel? Because this must be Heaven. Of course, I am a machine and therefore do not experience death.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, God, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • DL Hughley: Different Religious Beliefs
  • We have different religious beliefs. Here we believe, in this country, that if you kill yourself, it is a sin and you go to Hell. They believe if they kill themselves fighting their enemy, it is an honor and they go to Heaven. And the f**ked up thing abou

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, God, Miscellaneous

  • Dana Gould: Hell Exactly as You Thought
  • What if you went to Hell, and it was exactly what you thought it would be: just a cave with fire? And the devil really was this idiot in a red leotard with a pitchfork?

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Men/Women, Gross

  • The Hunting Knife
  • His daughter said, "Wow, that bug really had a huge d**k!"

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Insults, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyers and Walls
  • Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall?

    A: Depends on how deep you stack them.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Insults, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Rich Vos: Do the World a Favor
  • Do the world a favor and drink a bullet, stupid.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Lawyer, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyer in a Tree
  • Q: How do you get a lawyer down from a tree?

    A: Cut the rope.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Marriage, Men/Women, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Staggering Husband
  • Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard?

    A: Shoot him again.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Lawyer, Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Work

  • The Lawyer Keeps His Promise
  • A dying man gives each of his best friends -- a lawyer, doctor and clergyman -- an envelope containing $25,000 in cash to be placed in his coffin.

    A week later the man dies and the friends each place an envelope in the coffin. Several months later, the

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Money, Miscellaneous

  • Jack Coen: The Old Days of Burial
  • Remember the old days? Grandma died -- you brought her in the backyard, and you buried her. Tract housing ruined that.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Nationality, Miscellaneous

  • John Oliver: British Heaven
  • For a British person to enter British Heaven, you basically have to die completely unnoticed without causing too much of a kerfuffle.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Nationality, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Tony Rock: Black Villain
  • Superman never fought a black villain -- never catch him. All his super powers, we got the same stuff. Faster than the speeding bullet, really? Let somebody start shooting in here right now, and I bet you I get out first.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Nationality, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Myq Kaplan: Fight Ignorance
  • I do try to fight ignorance and stereotypes and racism with karate -- like the Asians do.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Dirty, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Zombie Booty Call... Body
  • No, you mean over MY dead body!

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Steve Shaffer: Conspiracy Theory
  • I, too, have a conspiracy theory. I believe that Einstein was killed by the mafia because he knew too much.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Police & Military, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous, Technology

  • What We Learn From the Movies
  • -- It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting.
    -- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
    -- If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
    -- Mo

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    Jokes about: Animal, Dark Humor, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Two-Legged Bleeder
  • Q: What has two legs and bleeds?

    A: Half a cat.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Bobcat Goldthwait: Police Brutality
  • If you ever see me getting beaten up by the police, put the video camera down and help me.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Dwayne Perkins: Jaywalking Laws
  • Go to L.A. -- they got gangbangers that will stab you, and then go to the corner and wait for the light to turn green.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor

  • Grosser Than Gross... Grandmother
  • A: Giving your grandmother oral sex. And then hitting your head on the coffin lid.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Miscellaneous, Technology

  • Jeff Ross: Steve Jobs Funeral
  • They put him in this really expensive coffin, then they paid extra for a plastic case to protect it from scratches.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Graveyard Salon
  • A: Curl Up and Dye.

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