Besttit Dark funny jokes

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  • I had a bad introduction to drinking, as it is. When I was 14 years old, my boys got me in a room and they gave me Bacardi 151. I didn't even know what the 151 stood for; I thought it was like Heinz 57 sauce or Formula 409 or some sh*t. Turns out you have 151% chance of taking a swing at your dad.
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    Partying & Bad Behavior
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  • There was once a man named Odd. People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
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  • This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.
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    God
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  • I think violence is wonderful, but what I object to in boxing is the total lack of explanation as to what happened between these guys to cause this fight to break out.
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  • If you expect a kick in the balls and you get a slap in the face, then it's a victory.
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  • Battered women: sounds delicious, doesn't make it right.
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    Men/Women
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  • These freeways are terrible, aren't they? I was on there the other day -- they just put in a drive-by shooting lane.
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    Travel & Car

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  • A bear was taking a dump in the forest when a rabbit walked by. The bear said, "Hey rabbit, does poo stick to your fur?""No," replied the rabbit. The bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.
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  • If you ever see me getting beaten up by the police, put the video camera down and help me.
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  • Everybody heard by now that Gene Hackman died today, right? I just made that up. I like seeing people get sad. You got sad as s**t! You didn't realize how much you love Gene Hackman until I just told you that he died! I want you to go home tonight and write a letter to Gene Hackman, tell him how much you love him. I just gave you a second chance.
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