Besttit Dirty funny jokes

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  • The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.
    So the one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door."
    So they do this, and begin painting their room.
    Soon they hear a knock at the door.
    They ask, "Who is it?"
    "Blind man!"
    The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. What could it hurt."
    They let him in.
    The blind man walks in and says, "Hey, nice t*ts. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"
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  • A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town.
    They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
    “I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”
    The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
    After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.
    “Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.
    “Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
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  • This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is.
    All his professionallism goes right out the window...
    He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.
    "Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?
    "Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.
    He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off.
    The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."
    Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having s*x with her.
    He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"
    She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"
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  • Naughty boy draws a p*nis on a black board.
    Lady teacher rubs it off.
    Next day he draws a bigger one and writes:
    "REMEMBER THE MORE YOU RUB THE BIGGER IT GETS!
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  • Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"?
    Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don’t stop"
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  • A Male patient just recovered successfully from a sex threatening health attack.
    He was wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose and laying on hospital bed.
    An young nurse came to cleanse his body with sponge.
    The patient mumbled, “Are my testicles black?”
    Nurse replied, “I don’t know Sir, I am just setting you clean”
    The patient repeated again, “Are my testicles black?”
    Nurse was quite embarrassed to answer the question and said “Sir everything should be OK”
    The patient just kept on asking again and again, “Are my testicles black?”
    Nurse could not bear a patient concerned so much.
    So she raised his gown, moved her hand to find and grab his penis and testicle, moved it all around, checked very closely and suddenly man ejaculated on nurse’s hand.
    The man pulls off his oxygen mask, embarrassed at the fiasco says loudly enough, “Ma’am, Thanks but I still need to know 'Are my tests results back?’”
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  • Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other.
    One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each.
    Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet.
    Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a motorcycle.
    Mr. Bear's final wish is that all the other bears in the world were female, leaving him the only male bear in the world.
    Mr. Rabbit revs the engine of his motorcycle and says, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rides off.
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  • Husband always insisted on making love in the dark.
    After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.
    She goes balistic, "You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?"
    Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."
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  • A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads:
    CHEESEBURGER: $1.50
    CHICKEN SANDWICH: $2.50
    HAND JOB: $10.00
    He walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks.
    "Can I help you?" she asks.
    "I was wondering," whispers the man. "Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?"
    "Yes," she purrs. "I am."
    The man replies, "Well, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger."
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  • A man is lying on the beach, sun bathing, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick.
    An ugly woman is passing and remarks "If you were a gentleman, you would lift your hat for a lady ..."
    He replies "If you were any sort of lady, the hat would lift itself!"
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