All the jokes -

Jokes about: Doctor

  • Hillbilly Newlyweds
  • 'I just have one question. How many times a week do I have to bring her in for this?'

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    Jokes about: Blue Collar, Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Redneck Birth Control... Cherrybomb
  • So he goes home, puts a lit cherry bomb in a soda can, and starts to count. '1...2...3...4...5...' The husband takes the soda can and puts it between his legs to continue counting on his fingers on his right hand. '6...7...8...9...'

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    Jokes about: Blue Collar, Doctor, Insults, Work

  • Arkansas Dentists
  • A: Because it takes 35 patients to make a full set of teeth.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Blue Collar, Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Mole Removal
  • Did you hear about the redneck who went to the hospital to have a mole removed from his d*ck?

    He swore off sex with them creatures forever.

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    Jokes about: Blue Collar, Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Choking Victim
  • While eating at their favorite diner, two Texans hear an awful choking sound. They turn around to see a lady turning blue.

    The first Texan rises, hitches up his jeans and walks over to the lady. He asks, "Can you breathe?" She shakes her head no. "Can

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Andy Kindler: Two Choices in Life
  • Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Insults, Marriage, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: After Intercourse
  • She said that after we had intercourse, I gave her an anti-climax.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • $10 Complaint
  • When he goes back to complain, the hooker laughs and says, "What do you expect for $10 -- lobster?"

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    Jokes about: Blonde, Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Positions
  • "Oh, crap! Puppies."

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, School, Miscellaneous

  • College Pride
  • A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green “M” on her chest. “Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?” asks the doctor. “No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Pit Bull with Herpes
  • A: The guy who gave it to him.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Marriage, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Beyond Impotent
  • She replies, "Well, the first part you can imagine, but he also burned his tongue and broke his finger."

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Pickpockets and Gynecologists
  • A pickpocket snatches watches and a gynecologist watches snatches.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • At the Pharmacy
  • Pharmacist: If you give me two of them, you can.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Pharmacist Booty Call... Prescription
  • Your prescription for one large, um, suppository is ready for pickup.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Dirty Knees
  • A: The head nurse.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Christian Finnegan: Work to Avoid
  • I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Chuck Sklar: Perfect Crime
  • I committed the perfect crime: I stopped paying my shrink. He took me to court; I pleaded insanity.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Insults, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Proctologists & Bartenders
  • A: The proctologist only handles one a**hole at a time.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Healthy Virgin
  • A: "One who has never been bed-ridden!"

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Kids, Miscellaneous

  • John Heffron: Old School Child Safety
  • All the windows are rolled up, both parents are smoking as they paint my room with lead-based paint and drop me off at the asbestos elementary school to hang out in.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, God, Marriage, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Amish Friends
  • I had trouble with the last relationship. I got scared a little bit and had two Amish people come over who were friends of mine. They had an erection raising.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Toe Tells Signs
  • Q: What do the toes say when they meet?

    A: There is a fungus among us.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Shot To The Heart
  • Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her knee.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Kids, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Marc Maron: Manic-Depressive Dad
  • My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Two Things In The Air
  • Her feet!

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Lawyer, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Work

  • What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
  • What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
    They both hope to be human someday.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Bad News

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    Jokes about: Animal, Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Crazy Little Critters
  • A: On crutches.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Taliban Snippet
  • It gives them a place to put their bubblegum during a sandstorm.

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    Jokes about: Blonde, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Sex with Leprosy
  • Keep the tip.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • The Fridge
  • The doctor decided he had better talk to both George and his wife, so he calls Bertha into the room and begins to explain, "George says God turns the light on and off for him when he goes to the bathroom. Is it true that --" "DAMMIT, George!" Bertha burst

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • The Prognosis
  • "Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife."

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Third Opinion
  • Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, 'I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.'

    Doctor Fitzpatrick says, 'I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.'

    Doctor Ahn says, 'I

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Yeast + Billy Ray Cyrus = ?
  • An itchy, twitchy twat!

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Proctology, For Fun & Profit
  • A brown Probe!

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Demetri Martin: Worst Time for a Heart Attack
  • I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades, especially if your teammates are bad guessers. Game over means game over.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Santa Singh
  • Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.

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    Jokes about: Food, Miscellaneous, Doctor

  • Skeleton
  • What did the skeleton say before it ate?

    "Bone-appetit."

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    Jokes about: Animal, Doctor, Kids, Miscellaneous

  • Ode to a Glowworm
  • When the sun shines out of your bum!

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Matt Iseman: From Medicine to Comedy
  • I went to medical school here at Columbia. I got my M.D. I was practicing out in Colorado, where I decided to quit and do stand-up -- and not just because of the lawsuits.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Kids, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Childhood Experience
  • My shrink told me I had an out-of-family experience when I was growing up.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Medieval Booty Call... Sores
  • Your sores are in all the right places!

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    Jokes about: Doctor, God, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Jewish Juggler
  • My grandfather was a Jewish juggler. He used to close his act -- I was told -- he used to worry about six things at once.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Lawyer, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Work

  • What happens when lawyers take Viagra...
  • A: They grow taller.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, God, Kids, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Steve Sweeney: Growing Up Catholic
  • I grew up a Catholic, which is good. It gives you something to work out the rest of your life.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Injured Lemons
  • A: Lemonade.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Rhoids
  • "Swell."

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Green and Yellow
  • Gonorrhea.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Thermometers
  • A: The taste.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Adam Ferrara: A Million Sperm
  • Do you realize we have a million sperm cells in our body and only one brain to govern them? And when they start to organize, there is civil unrest in the genitalia. I have the Million Man March in my underwear right now!

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    Jokes about: Blue Collar, Doctor, Insults, Miscellaneous

  • Toothpaste Inventor
  • Q: How do you know that someone from West Virginia invented toothpaste?

    A: If anyone else would have invented it, it would be called "teethpaste."

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Doctor

  • Sex Therapy - Florida Style

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Ty Barnett: Herpes Medication Message
  • I saw the commercial for herpes medication. First of all, I know commercials are getting ridiculous, but the thing that tripped me out about this commercial was not how they made it look like your life get a whole lot better after herpes -- you can rock c

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Ventriloquism
  • I purposefully studied ventriloquism so I can throw my orgasm -- which was sort of a sad moment in my life.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Marriage, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Dave Mordal: Workaholism
  • Workaholism is such a tough addiction to get over. I had to divorce my wife because she was an enabler.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • The Dead Dog
  • He said '$15 for me to say he was dead. Then $285 for the cat scan'

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    Jokes about: Blonde, Doctor, Insults, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • So Blonde... Blood Test
  • She is so blonde, she studied for a blood test.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Cat Hospital
  • A: To have a CAT scan done.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, God, Kids, Partying & Bad Behavior, School, Miscellaneous

  • Steve Shaffer: Catholic Parochial Education
  • Sad to say -- eight years of nuns, four years of priests, 12 years of therapy -- here I am.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Pharmacist Booty Call... Viagra
  • Just in case you were wondering, yes, I can get my hands on all the free Viagra I want.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Lightbulb: Psychiatrist
  • One, but it really has to want to change.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • The Scientist and the Frog
  • So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "Frog with no feet, goes deaf."

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Marriage, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Intimate Health
  • I get intimacy booster shots once a week at my doctor.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Technology

  • Gregg Rogell: Cell Phones vs. Anthrax
  • Cell phones can give you brain tumors, and yet the anthrax only killed five people. Maybe the terrorists should have just called us on our cell phones.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Marriage, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Only Child Ex-Girlfriend
  • She was wacko. She was an only child, but she still had a sibling rivalry.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes

  • Psyched Up
  • A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"

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    Jokes about: Animal, Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Bird It Through the Grapevine
  • He contracted chirpes. And the worst thing? It was untweetable.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Tom Cotter: In My Blood
  • Comedy has always been in my blood. The hepatitis is brand new.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • What do puppies and gynecologists...
  • A: Wet noses.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Doctor, Money, Miscellaneous

  • Jimmy Shubert: Neutering
  • I love the people that care more about neutering stray cats than they care about homeless American veterans... What they should be doing is neutering the homeless American veteran because they are much easier to catch.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Viagra Theft
  • The police are looking for some hardened criminals!

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    Jokes about: Doctor, God, Insults, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Loni Love: On Tom Cruise
  • We sick people need our medicine, Tom. You ever had a yeast infection? F**k you.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Food, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes

  • Wendy Liebman: Running When Necessary
  • I go running when I have to -- like when the ice cream truck is going 60, or I need a lift to the bakery.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Doctor, Kids, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Whitney Cummings: Babies and Dogs
  • I feel like having a baby and having a dog are pretty much the same except for the part where your vagina gets ruined.

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    Jokes about: Blonde, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Blonde Nurse
  • A: To draw blood.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, God, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Dan St. Germain: Mysterious Ways
  • God working in mysterious ways is no comfort to me working through my sh*tty life.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous, Gross, Work

  • Geriatric Medicine
  • The woman says, "Well, can I just leave my underwear? Bingo starts in half an hour."

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Work

  • David Feldman: Pharmaceutical Manufacture
  • Let crack and heroin be manufactured by the pharmaceutical companies, that way nobody can afford them.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy
  • Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together?

    A: A redhead with a yeast infection.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Doctors, Nurses & Light Bulbs
  • A: Twenty. One primary care physican to change it and 19 specialists to take it apart and look at it under a microscope.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Monster Valentine
  • Boy Monster: Is it still beating?

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Little Voice
  • "Try coming home at 3 in the morning."

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • A Crazy Person in the Woods
  • A: They take the psychopath.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Insults, Miscellaneous

  • Margaret Smith: Crime-Stopping Altoid
  • I was almost robbed the other night going home late. Thank God I had just popped an Altoid. Did you know if you have an Altoid in your mouth and breathe on someone, you can disorientate them? Who needs a mint this strong? If you think you need a mint this

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous, Technology

  • Assembly Required
  • When they were handed out, he did a double take at the 150% grade he received.Rather confused, he asked his instructors how it was possible to have a grade like this. "It is really quite simple," they said. "We gave you 50% for correctly disassembling the

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Community Service
  • If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Insults, Marriage, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Divorce & Circumcision
  • A: In a divorce, you get rid of the whole schmuck.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Wayne Federman: Jazz History
  • Jazz: it began in New Orleans and spread like a venereal disease across the United States.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Leper Stew
  • Put him in a Jacuzzi and turn it on full.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Robert Hawkins: Quitting Smoking
  • How did I quit? With willpower and nicotine gum. I recommend the gum if you wanna quit, it helps. The taste? I would rather eat a tobacco plant out of the ass of a pilgrim in front of people.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Matt Iseman: Quitting the Medical Profession
  • I quit because I was in the hospital and I realized that I truly believed that laughter was the best medicine. Turns out penicillin works a hell of a lot better.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lonely Bones
  • A: He had no body to go with.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Carmen Lynch: Hard Sneeze
  • Sometimes I sneeze so hard, I get my period a week early.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Wayne Federman: Best Medicine
  • Somebody once said that laughter is the best medicine, and that was clearly written by a man that never tried Vicodin.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Army Nurse
  • She woke up with a kernel between her legs.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Doctor, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Gynecologist and a Dog
  • Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a dog have in common?

    A: Wet noses.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Flu?
  • The doctor replied, 'No, I came on my bicycle actually!'

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    Jokes about: Blonde, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Iron Phone
  • She replied, "They called back."

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Al Clethen Jr.: Safe Sex
  • Sex is so weird now. Remember the old days when all you needed for safe sex was a padded headboard?

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Viagra + Eyedrops = ?
  • Because he wanted to look hard!

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    Jokes about: Doctor, God, Miscellaneous

  • In His Image

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Sneezy
  • "Snorting pepper."

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • The Hippie and the Spice Rack
  • 'Well, that explains it,' the doctor replies, looking at them gravely. 'He is in a Korma.'

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes

  • When You Pull That Out
  • The man replies, "When you pull that thing out it better have some numbers on it!"

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Insults, Miscellaneous

  • Why did the city build a graveyard...
  • A: So all the old people can see there futures!

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Two Psychiatrists
  • 'You are fine, how am I?'

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    Jokes about: Animal, Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Carrots
  • A: Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • The Shooting
  • That night she went to the emergency room with a shot in the knee.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, God, Partying & Bad Behavior, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Taylor Negron: Inner Child
  • I found out I have the von Trapp family in me.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Arm Troubles
  • "Aha!' says the doctor. 'I see the problem. Your arm is broke!"

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • What do you call an abortion in Czechslovakia?
  • A cancelled Czech!

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Quick Visit to the Dentist
  • The husband turns to his wife and says, "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Cookie Joke
  • A: It was feeling crummy.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Roses are red

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Transplant
  • His hand rejected it.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Money, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Mike Lawrence: Roommates
  • I had two roommates... one was a paranormal romance fiction novelist and the other was a feminist autobiographical cartoonist. And I do stand-up comedy. So if you want to know what my apartment was like, try to imagine the musical Rent if no one had enoug

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Hypochondriac at Home
  • At home now, I have cough medicine on tap.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Two Weeks to Live
  • The doctor answers, "No, but it will get you used to the dirt."

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Money, Miscellaneous

  • Ryan Stout: Homeless Have It Good
  • I think the homeless have it pretty good because 98% of deadly accidents happen inside the home.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Technology

  • Upgrade for E.D.
  • Q: Did you hear about the new computer upgrade for erectile dysfunction?

    A: It turns your 3.5" floppy into a hard drive.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Kids, Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Maria Bamford: Depressed American Kids
  • I was reading in the paper that a lot of kids in the United States are suffering from depression. Younger and younger, our children are seeing the sippy-cup as half empty.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, School, Miscellaneous

  • Lisa Landry: Physical Education
  • A gym is just a PE class that you pay to skip.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Gabriel Iglesias: Landing in Phoenix
  • I got off the plane -- I was walking and cooking at the same time.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • What P.M.S. Stands For
  • Pass My ShotgunPsychotic Mood ShiftPerpetual Munching SpreePuffy Mid-SectionPeople Make Me SickProvide Me with SweetsPardon My SobbingPimples May SurfacePass My SweatpantsPissy Mood SyndromePlainly, Men SuckPack My Stuff

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Victorian Ladies
  • One to replace the bulb and ninety-nine to contract consumption and die beautiful, poetic deaths.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Tell Me About Your Circuit Breaker
  • A: One, but it takes five sessions.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Food, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Nick DiPaolo: Keeping the Weight Down
  • You want to keep your weight down? Do what I do and get food poisoning three times a year.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Zombie Booty Call... Dropped
  • Pardon me, I think I may have dropped something. Oh, it was my jaw. And damn, there goes the rest of my face!

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Kids, Miscellaneous

  • Larry Amoros: Recent Surgery
  • I just got out of the hospital. I had some surgery. I had my mother removed from my back.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Scooby Doo
  • One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed. By the time she got on the bus she realized that she forgot to go through her routine. So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says 'Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies'. The

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Marriage, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Jessi Klein: Before Marriage
  • I would like to get married before I get herpes.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Janine DiTullio: Dental Plan
  • I finally have a dental plan. I chew on the other side.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Todd Barry: Therapist Bills
  • Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Food, Miscellaneous

  • Bob Marley: Failing the Atkins Diet
  • I only made it 11 days. I had to quit. I was backed up like the mall parking lot at Christmas time.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Kids, Miscellaneous

  • Pregnant Wife
  • "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

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    Jokes about: Doctor, School, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Corpsalicious!
  • 'Next,' the professor said, 'you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger.'

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Miscellaneous

  • Steady Hands
  • A guy suffers from extreme abdominal pain and sees a doctor.

    The doctor says that medicated rectal inserts should rectify the problem. After performing the initial insertion, the doctor explains that the second should be inserted before bed.

    That ni

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Miscellaneous

  • Dead Baby Crosses the Street
  • A: He wanted to get away from the abortion clinic.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Marc Maron: Depression and Disappointment
  • I think, in most cases, the difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Kids, Miscellaneous

  • Christopher Titus: Benadryl
  • Benadryl -- the seven-dollar babysitter.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Marriage, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Dana Gould: M.A.N.D.Y.
  • I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.

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