Besttit God funny jokes

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  • I see the pope driving around on the news in that car. I always expect to see lottery balls blowing around inside there with him.
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  • To hell with Santa! If he's such a big shot, how come he has to work at Macy's?
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  • He's got all kinds of advice about show biz. He says, 'It's just like sales. You gotta make your opportunities. You gotta take your opportunities. You remember what Jesus said? You give a man a fish, that man knows where to come for fish. You teach a man to fish, and you just destroyed your market base.'
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  • Did he really think it was feminists? Is that what upset God? That women a number of years ago decided to leave the kitchen and go into the work place and demand equal wages and demand power equal to a man? That's what upset God? That God looked down into the kitchen -- and there was not a stew on the oven, and the spice rack was in disarray -- and he said, 'I will smote them!'
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  • I used to work in an office, and when I worked in an office, I celebrated all the holidays -- Cesar Chavez Day, Labor Day -- just to get a day off of work. It could be KKK Day -- 'Do I get a day off of work?'
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  • I'm ready to file. I'm going through the Yellow Pages trying to find someone to help me. I come across Christian Tax Services. Now, I believe in God, I believe in Jesus -- but when it comes to taxes, I want the lyingest, cheatingest scum on the planet to help me screw the government.
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  • A young priest is unhappy with how little money his congregation contributes every week to the collection plate. So decides to try a new tack and hypnotize them, using Father Matthews' priceless pocket watch. Thus hypnotized, they all give the five bucks he asked them too. Pumped by his success, he ups the amount to $10 the next week. Amazingly, everybody gives ten bucks each. The week after that, he decides to up it to twenty bucks, but just as he's about to announce the amount, he drops the watch."S**t!" It took the workers two weeks to clean up the church.
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  • Yo' Mama is so old, she's got a Bible autographed by Jesus.
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    Yo' Mama

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  • Yo' Mama is so old, she got mistaken for a lost resident by the cemetery keeper.
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    Yo' Mama

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