All the jokes - gross

  • Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet?A: Winnie the Pooh.

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  • Birdie, birdie, in the skyDropped some white stuff in my eye,I'm a big girl, I won't cry,I'm just glad that cows don't fly.

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  • Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?A: A sheep.

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  • I had a fly in my house last week. This is what I did: I caught him, pulled all his legs off. Little bastard can't land. He's been airborne for five days. So, I went to the dog park, got a big loaf of Basset Hound pooh, put it on my living room floor just to tease him.

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  • A farmer and a son live on a farm. The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when his son comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid. He is so excited because he's just milked a cow. Then he takes a big drink from the glass. His father just stares at him."Son, we don't have a cow. We have a bull."

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  • An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and relieves himself on the woman's head."Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper.""What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now."

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  • You're supposed to put it on the dog's stitches or his butt. The vet says the dog will not lick the salve because the salve tastes bad to the dog. Hello? He's already licking his ass.

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  • I look down, I see this big dog sitting there licking himself, like dogs do. I turn to my friend, I say, 'I wish I could do that.' He said, 'Go over and pet him, maybe he'll let you.'

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  • Peanut: A giraffe throwing up? Think about it. It would take forever!

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  • Could you imagine the wonderful, beautiful poop that this thing must take? That's why they beat their chest. I'd be beating my chest, too, if I had 60 pounds of crap comin' out of me.

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