All the jokes -

Jokes about: Lawyer

  • Drowning Lawyer
  • Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?

    A: Shoot him before he hits the water.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Insults, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lucky Breaks & Crying Shames
  • Q: What is the definition of a "lucky break"?

    A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

    Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

    A: There was an empty seat.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Insults, Lawyer, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Plastered Lawyers
  • Q: How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?

    A: It depends how hard you throw them.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Lawyer, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Christmas Bonus
  • Secretary: My lawyer.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Lawyer, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes, Work

  • Legal Jargon!
  • Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian?
    A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Lawyer, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyers in Lust
  • "But out of what?"

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Insults, Lawyer, Men/Women, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyer-Client Relations
  • Q: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex?

    A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Lawyer, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Work

  • What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
  • What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
    They both hope to be human someday.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Third Opinion
  • Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer. Doctor Watson says, 'I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.'

    Doctor Fitzpatrick says, 'I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.'

    Doctor Ahn says, 'I

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Lawyer, Men/Women, Miscellaneous, Work

  • What happens when lawyers take Viagra...
  • A: They grow taller.

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    Jokes about: God, Lawyer, School, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Law School for Nuns
  • A sister-in-law.

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    Jokes about: Insults, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Buried Lawyers
  • Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their necks in sand?

    A: Not enough sand.

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    Jokes about: Insults, Lawyer, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Bad Lawyer
  • Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?

    A: Senator.

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    Jokes about: Insults, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Law School Graduation Gift
  • Q: What do you buy a friend graduating from law school?

    A: A lobotomy.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Insults, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyers and Walls
  • Q: How many lawyers does it take to build a wall?

    A: Depends on how deep you stack them.

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    Jokes about: Insults, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyer and Sperm
  • Q: What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common?

    A: Both have about a one in 3 million chance of becoming a human being.

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    Jokes about: Insults, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Safe Sex Lawyers
  • Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?

    A: Their personalities.

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    Jokes about: Insults, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • The State of Lawyers
  • Q: Why does New Jersey have all the toxic waste dumps and California have all the lawyers?

    A: Because New Jersey got first pick.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Kids, Lawyer, Men/Women, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Parachutes for two
  • "Do we have time?"

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    Jokes about: Kids, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyers on the Beach
  • Cats keep covering them over with sand.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyers and Lightbulbs
  • Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw a light bulb?
    A: One but it has to have a good case.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyers Off Bridge...
  • Solution.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyers in the Trees
  • Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
    A: Cut the rope.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer

  • Lawyer... Genius
  • Q: What do you call a lawyer with an I. Q. of 50?

    A: Your honor.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Substituting Rats for Lawyers
  • Why is the N.I.H. (National Institute of Health) substituting rats with lawyers for lab tests?
    Three reasons:
    1. There are more lawers then rats.
    2. When rats die many lab techies feel bad for them.
    3. There are some things a rat will not do.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyer vs. Vulture
  • A: Wings.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Work

  • A Lawyer and A Politician
  • What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
    Chelsea Clinton.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • What Do You Call?
  • A total waste of space!

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • 500 lawyers in the ocean
  • A good start.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • What Did A Lawyer Name His ...
  • Sue!

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • De-evolution
  • At the rate law schools are turning them out, by 2050 there will be more lawyers than humans.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • The Honest Lawyer
  • When do you know a lawyer is telling the truth?
    When his lips are shut.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Roosters vs. Lawyers
  • The rooster clucks defiance.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Q. How many lawyer jokes are there?
  • A. Three...the rest are all true.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Screwing the Justice System
  • Q: How many US Attorney Generals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: I cannot recall that particular answer at this time.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyer vs. Snake
  • The snake had skid marks in front of him.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • An Honest Lawyer
  • An oxymoron.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Shark Attack
  • Professional courtesy.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Technology, Work

  • The Test
  • A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test.

    The engineer went in first and was asked, ''What is 2+2?'' The engineer thought awhile and finally answered, ''4.''

    Then the mathemetician was called in and was asked the sa

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes, Work

  • Skydiving
  • A: A perfect setup for skeet shooting.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Saddam Hussein in a Foxhole
  • Shoot the lawyer twice.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyer vs. Hooker
  • Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a hooker?

    A: A hooker will stop trying to screw you once you're dead.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Sharing
  • Then the American threw the lawyer out the window, saying...

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    Jokes about: Animal, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • The Brass Rat
  • "Nope," said the man. "You have any brass lawyers?"

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    Jokes about: Animal, Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lion, Tiger, Lawyer, Elevator
  • Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do?
    A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he's dead.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Legalese
  • Definition of a Lawyer: A person who puts two men into a fight and runs off with their clothes.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes, Work

  • Practice
  • Skeet.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyers and Lightbulbs, Case #2
  • A: Four: one to climb the ladder, one to hold the ladder, one to shake the ladder and one to sue the ladder company.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his ...
  • It was so cold today I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Lawyer, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Lawyer in a Tree
  • Q: How do you get a lawyer down from a tree?

    A: Cut the rope.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Deathbed Lawyer
  • Why was the lawyer skimming the Bible right before he died?
    He was looking for loopholes!

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • The Invention of the Copper Wire
  • Do you know how copper wire was invented?

    Two lawyers fighting over a penny.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • A good lawyer knows the law a great lawyer ...
  • A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • F. Lee Bailey Love
  • One is boorish rude and insensitive, the other is just a joke!!

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Singled-Celled Lawyer
  • One wears a tie.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Lawyer, Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Work

  • The Lawyer Keeps His Promise
  • A dying man gives each of his best friends -- a lawyer, doctor and clergyman -- an envelope containing $25,000 in cash to be placed in his coffin.

    A week later the man dies and the friends each place an envelope in the coffin. Several months later, the

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Miscellaneous, Work

  • What do you call Satan and a lawyer?
  • What do you call Satan and a lawyer?
    Twins!

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