I've seen a bird get hit by a car. As a bird, how do you get hit by a car? Then I started thinking, it was a black bird showing off for some girl birds.
I'm just glad the little guy's getting work. There hasn't been a Mexican actor getting that much TV time since Erik Estrada landed on 'CHiPs.'
Ever seen an Asian veterinarian? Not going to happen. They'll eat all their patients.
Every time I see a politician on the campaign trail, they make all kinds of promises they have no intention of living up to. Basically, our election system has become a more sophisticated version of that game you used to play with your dog when you were a kid, where you'd take a tennis ball and fake throw it and watch him run out and try to find it. 'What is that? Is that healthcare? You want healthcare, don't you? Go get it!'
After World War II, an American soldier was going back to London from the front. He was on a very crowded train, and was looking for a seat, but the only empty one was next to an older lady, and she had her pet poodle on it. He said, Please, madam, I'm very tired. May I please sit here? The lady replied, No. My precious little poodle, Miss Fluffy, is sitting here.The soldier walked the length of the train again with no luck, so he went back to the same seat next to the same woman and said, Please, Madam, I have been fighting at the front for months, my feet hurt and I'm very tired. May I please sit here? The woman told him, I cannot believe how rude you are! I have already told you that my darling little Miss Fluffy is sitting here. At that, the American lost his temper, picked up the poodle and threw it out the window.An elderly man who was sitting across the compartment looked at the American soldier and said, You Americans do everything wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you eat with the wrong hand and now you've thrown the wrong bitch out of the window!
What's the odd one out? 1) A lobster 2) a whale 3) a guy that's been hit by a bus?The whale -- the other two are both crustaceans.
Hillbillies should never have cash, OK? Graceland is so tacky, Puerto Rican people walk out of there going, 'That's some tacky stuff there, man.'
They all think they're in a gang -- in New Hampshire. They're hanging out at the mall as if that were their 'hood. I'm like, 'Dude, you live in New Hampshire. How tough are you? Your 'hood is a cul-de-sac between Happy Lane and Pleasant Street, pal. You and your homeboys are cruising for bitches in the backseat of mom's minivan.'
White people, I'm so tired of y'all getting shot at work. It's so unnecessary. If you ain't sure what to do, just watch the black people. Look, here's a rule of thumb: when black people run, you run. You don't even have to know why.