All the jokes -

Jokes about: Party and more

  • Redneck Drivers
  • The U.S. Government decided to take an experiment to see what people say right before they get into an auto accident.
    89% of the people in 49 states said: 'Oh, s**t!'

    In Texas 94% said: 'Hold my beer. Watch this.'

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    Jokes about: Blue Collar, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Monster Mystery
  • A redneck bar on Friday night

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    Jokes about: Blue Collar, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • The Proud Redneck
  • He looks over at the bartender with pride and says, "Lookie what I almost stepped in!"

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Natasha Leggero: LA Gang Tours
  • For $100 you can get a seat on this tour bus that takes you to the most dangerous parts of Los Angeles. I know because it goes past my house.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Insults, Marriage, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: After Intercourse
  • She said that after we had intercourse, I gave her an anti-climax.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Early Morning Rings
  • "I have some good news and some bad news," said the doctor. "The good news is the red ring is lipstick and the bad news is the brown ring is Skoal."

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    Jokes about: Animal, Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Moosehead Beer
  • A. By the antler marks on his thighs!

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Exotic Male Dancer Cash
  • The third friend pulls out her ATM card, swipes it down his crack, grabs the $60 and goes home.

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    Jokes about: Blonde, Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • No Backseat Blonde
  • A blonde goes on a hot date and ends up making out with the guy in his car. The guy asks if she would like to go in the backseat.

    "No!" yells the blonde.

    Things get even hotter, and the guy asks again.

    "For the last time, no!" says the blonde. Fr

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Partying & Bad Behavior, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Hipster Booty Call... Beer
  • Can I buy you an ironically lowbrow beer?

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes

  • Russ Meneve: Performance Drugs
  • I took some drugs a couple days ago. My buddies wanted to play football, and I knew my throwing arm was going to be way off, so I took that Levitra -- you know, that drug that helps that guy throw the football through the tire in the commercial? Yeah, lon

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Kjell Bjorgen: Brotherly E.S.P.
  • One time I had ESP with my brother... It was a Friday night, and unbeknownst to me, my brother went out and got really drunk, just hammered. And that same night, I had sex with a really ugly chick.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Partying & Bad Behavior, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Pirate Booty Call... Rum
  • Yo ho, Ho! And a bottle of rum? Yar!

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Chuck Sklar: Perfect Crime
  • I committed the perfect crime: I stopped paying my shrink. He took me to court; I pleaded insanity.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, God, Marriage, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Amish Friends
  • I had trouble with the last relationship. I got scared a little bit and had two Amish people come over who were friends of mine. They had an erection raising.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Kids, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Marc Maron: Manic-Depressive Dad
  • My dad is actually a manic depressive, which is very exciting half the time.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Kids, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Childhood Experience
  • My shrink told me I had an out-of-family experience when I was growing up.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, God, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Jewish Juggler
  • My grandfather was a Jewish juggler. He used to close his act -- I was told -- he used to worry about six things at once.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, God, Kids, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Steve Sweeney: Growing Up Catholic
  • I grew up a Catholic, which is good. It gives you something to work out the rest of your life.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Ty Barnett: Herpes Medication Message
  • I saw the commercial for herpes medication. First of all, I know commercials are getting ridiculous, but the thing that tripped me out about this commercial was not how they made it look like your life get a whole lot better after herpes -- you can rock c

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Ventriloquism
  • I purposefully studied ventriloquism so I can throw my orgasm -- which was sort of a sad moment in my life.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Marriage, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Dave Mordal: Workaholism
  • Workaholism is such a tough addiction to get over. I had to divorce my wife because she was an enabler.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, God, Kids, Partying & Bad Behavior, School, Miscellaneous

  • Steve Shaffer: Catholic Parochial Education
  • Sad to say -- eight years of nuns, four years of priests, 12 years of therapy -- here I am.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Marriage, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Intimate Health
  • I get intimacy booster shots once a week at my doctor.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Marriage, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Only Child Ex-Girlfriend
  • She was wacko. She was an only child, but she still had a sibling rivalry.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, God, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Dan St. Germain: Mysterious Ways
  • God working in mysterious ways is no comfort to me working through my sh*tty life.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Work

  • David Feldman: Pharmaceutical Manufacture
  • Let crack and heroin be manufactured by the pharmaceutical companies, that way nobody can afford them.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • A Crazy Person in the Woods
  • A: They take the psychopath.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Doctor, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Community Service
  • If I have an orgasm, I feel that I have to give six weeks of community service to various charities.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Wayne Federman: Best Medicine
  • Somebody once said that laughter is the best medicine, and that was clearly written by a man that never tried Vicodin.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, God, Partying & Bad Behavior, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Taylor Negron: Inner Child
  • I found out I have the von Trapp family in me.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Kids, Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Maria Bamford: Depressed American Kids
  • I was reading in the paper that a lot of kids in the United States are suffering from depression. Younger and younger, our children are seeing the sippy-cup as half empty.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Todd Barry: Therapist Bills
  • Four hundred bucks an hour for being sort of nice to sad people.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Marc Maron: Depression and Disappointment
  • I think, in most cases, the difference between depression and disappointment is your level of commitment.

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    Jokes about: Food, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Brian Posehn: Quitting Meat
  • Quitting pot? It was actually easier for me to become a vegetarian -- you know, quitting meat -- because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of meat.

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    Jokes about: Food, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Mitch Hedberg: Butter vs. Margarine
  • Because of acid, I know now that butter is way better than margarine. I saw through the bullsh*t.

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    Jokes about: Food, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Robin Montague: Backwards in Hollywood
  • People are so backwards in Hollywood. Like, they take drugs right out in the open, but they eat in the closet.

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    Jokes about: Blonde, God, Men/Women, Nationality, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Walks into a Bar

  • Walks Into a Bar... The Whole Gang
  • The bartender looks at them and asks, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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    Jokes about: God, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Ya Wanna Find Jesus?
  • "Damn," said the drunk man. "Are you sure he fell in there?"

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    Jokes about: Blonde, God, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • What a Coincidence
  • A: "Is this a joke?"

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    Jokes about: God, Insults, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Brett Butler: Beer With No Alcohol
  • Beer with no alcohol -- what a taste. That is like a nun with a D-cup.

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    Jokes about: Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • What, No Golden Goose?
  • A man comes home late one night, drunk.
    "Where have you been?" asks his wife.
    "In the Golden Bar! They have golden chairs, golden glasses, golden beer, and a golden urinal!" This sounds awfully suspicious to the wife, who calls the Golden Bar.
    "Do you

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    Jokes about: Blue Collar, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • The Bottom Line
  • Cowboy replies, "No, but it keeps me from licking them."

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • John Caponera: Strong Drinks
  • Some of these drinks will knock you out. I was drinking that Sex on the Beach last night, had about six of them. Woke up this morning with sand in the crack of my ass.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Insults, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Pig in a Bar
  • A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?"

    Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a goose."

    And the bartender says, 'Excuse me, I was talking to

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    Jokes about: Kids, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Only a Head
  • A boy is born without a body, only a head. For his 18th birthday his father, takes him to a bar for a drink.

    The father orders his son a scotch and when the boy drinks it, an arm pops out of his head. He drinks another shot and another arm pops out. Af

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    Jokes about: Kids, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Stephen Lynch: A Song for a Special Friend
  • I ran track, hung out in malls / Fred ran head first into walls. / I had girls and lots of clothes / Fred had names for all his toes.

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    Jokes about: Kids, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Jasper Reed: Tooth Fairy Visit
  • When I was five years old, I lost my two front teeths, and I put them under my pillow for the tooth fairy. And the next morning when I woke up, to my surprise, under my pillow, I found a joint.

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    Jokes about: Kids, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Natasha Leggero: Having a Baby
  • Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

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    Jokes about: Kids, Partying & Bad Behavior, School, Miscellaneous

  • Tony Camin: Kindergarten Rules
  • I got hit with a ruler first day of kindergarten -- for smoking pot. Because if you bring it, you need to bring enough for everybody.

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    Jokes about: Marriage, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Dan St. Germain: Video Game Nuptials
  • A friend of mine had a Super Mario Brothers-themed wedding two years ago. Then, a year after that, he had a regular-themed divorce.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Marriage, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Dana Gould: M.A.N.D.Y.
  • I have all my ex-girlfriends lumped into one big girlfriend I called M.A.N.D.Y.: My, Another Neurotic Disappointment? Yes.

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    Jokes about: Marriage, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • T. Sean Shannon: Mutual Decision
  • We were dating two years. We broke up. It was a mutual decision. Her and all her friends got together -- they took a little vote.

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    Jokes about: Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Bad Pickup Line
  • Because I can sure see myself in them.

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    Jokes about: Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Divorced & Drunk
  • "My God!" says the wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

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    Jokes about: Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Friends With Hookers
  • A: Support hos.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Kyle Kinane: In a Bar
  • I was in a bar the other day, or all the time -- you know how this goes.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Flies in the Beer
  • An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down, and one lands in each of the pints.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Chelsea Handler: Falling Down
  • I fall all the time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Dyslexic
  • A dyslexic walks into a bra...

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Pop Culture & Celebrity, School, Miscellaneous

  • Drinking Game: Big Lebowski
  • I can promise you this: Playing this game makes the movie make a lot more sense.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • The Bar
  • A guy walked into a bar... OUCH!

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Lawyer, Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Work

  • The Lawyer Keeps His Promise
  • A dying man gives each of his best friends -- a lawyer, doctor and clergyman -- an envelope containing $25,000 in cash to be placed in his coffin.

    A week later the man dies and the friends each place an envelope in the coffin. Several months later, the

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    Jokes about: Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Cory Miller: Legalize It
  • They should legalize marijuana. They should legalize it, because if they do, of course, like cigarettes and everything else, it would have to be federally regulated, which means it would have to be inspected -- which means everybody would want to go down

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    Jokes about: Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Walks into a Bar

  • Walks Into a Bar... Quick Shots
  • A guy walks into a bar, orders 12 shots and starts drinking them as fast as he can.

    The bartender asks, "Dang, why are you drinking so fast?"

    The guy says, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had."

    The bartender asks, "What do you

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Self-Explanatory
  • An Irishman walks out of a bar.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Irish on Vacation
  • Q: Where does an Irish person go on avacation?
    A: A new bar

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Shine On, You Crazy Fratboy!
  • 11 - One to hold the lightbulb, and 10 to drink until the room spins.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Andy Kindler: Amsterdam Vices
  • Over there, they smoke pot. They mix it with hash and tobacco, and they roll it together. The reason why they do that -- they have so many vices, they need to combine them.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Patton Oswalt: U.S. Pot vs. Amsterdam Pot
  • The best marijuana that you smoke in the United States, you may as well be smoking shoelaces compared to the stuff they have [in Amsterdam.] The bud left its parents on Krypton.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • A Horse Walks Into a Bar...
  • A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Retta: Gives Me a Rush
  • You know what gives me a rush? Methamphetamines.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • If You Had What I Have
  • "50 cents."

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Chelsea Handler: Tricky Midget
  • I recently had sex with a midget. Not on purpose -- he was a tricky little f**ker. He kept giving me shot after shot after shot of tequila and would keep getting taller and taller and taller.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Daniel Kilpatrick: Sometimes Every Day
  • I smoke pot sometimes every day.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes

  • Pick-up Line...Squirrels
  • If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Three Guys
  • Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Jimmy Shubert: On Conjoined Twins
  • I love my brothers, but I would not want to share a kidney, a spleen and a liver with them. Two Irish guys, one liver?

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Watch and Learn
  • The man exclaims, "Damn - this thing must be an hour fast!"

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Evan Davis: Quit Drinking
  • I had to quit drinking; I kept waking up in Utah.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Trouble
  • The man says "Ohh, now the trouble starts"..

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Stolen Viagra
  • A shipment of Viagra was hijacked on the way to the depot.

    The police have warned the public to be on the lookout for a gang of hardened criminals.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Walks into a Bar

  • Walks Into a Bar... Dog Day Afternoon
  • A guy walks into a bar and orders six shooters. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day."

    The guy says, "Am I ever! I woke up late for work. On my way to work, I got in an accident. When I got to work, I was four hours late, so the bos

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    Jokes about: Animal, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Walks into a Bar

  • Walks Into a Bar... Seeing-Eye Dog
  • A blind man walks into a bar with his seeing-eye dog. He stands in the center of the bar, takes the dog by the chain, and starts swinging him above his head.

    Everyone stops and stares. Upset about the way the animal is being treated, a patron runs up t

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Megan Mooney: Strategy for Sounding Sober
  • When you need to remove yourself from your group of friends to come up with a strategy for sounding sober enough to be served more alcohol, the fun is behind you.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, School, Miscellaneous

  • Taxi Fare
  • The cabbie says, "Sure." So the frat boy leans forward and throws up.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Kirk Fox: Tall Guys on Planes
  • I will do anything for an exit row. If there is a short person in the exit row, I will put drugs on them. I need the exit row.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Ian Bagg: My Meth Addict Neighbor
  • One day I came home, he was passed out in his Spider-Man outfit in front of the building, and the fire department had to show up with the clear paddles and bring him back to life. What a bad day to be a kid driving by and seeing Spider-Man.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, School, Miscellaneous

  • Tom Cotter: College Years
  • I had a 3.0 -- that was my blood alcohol level.

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    Jokes about: Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Singles
  • "I thought she was home with the kids."

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Lightbulbs vs Pregnant Women
  • You can unscrew a lightbulb.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior

  • Cool Skeleton
  • A: He was bad to the bone.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Guy Torry: Real Survivor Show
  • You want a real survivor show -- put Robert Downey Jr., Michael Irvin and Darryl Strawberry in a crack house with one rock.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Two Bit Girlfriend
  • "She hit me with her bag of quarters!".

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    Jokes about: Men/Women, Money, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Ruben Paul: What Only Women Can Do
  • Women are the only people I know who can go out broke and come home drunk.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes

  • Shoulda Said
  • "Geez. Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior

  • Eugene Mirman: Messages Left on Bar Napkins
  • You are an alchemist who can turn six beers into an awkward three week relationship.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Quinn Dahle: Drunk Driving Consequences
  • I ended up having to go to AA, which is ridiculous. First thing they tell you to do is stop hanging around with other alcoholics. Well, so I stopped going to AA.

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    Jokes about: Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Futurama
  • A: He buys two cases of beer.

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    Jokes about: Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Taking the Bullet
  • "Oh, yeh, I forgot to tell you," he says, "Jack shat in my trousers as well."

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Stoned Drunk
  • Drink wet cement.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Man & Duck
  • The duck replies, "Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass."

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, School, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Tom Cotter: Going to Columbia
  • I went to Columbia, and I worked for a drug cartel. Then, I went to college.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • A Bear Walks Into a Bar...
  • The bartender asks, "Why the big pause?"

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Jeff Dunham: Thanking Important People
  • Jeff Dunham: Thank you, Mom, for giving birth to me.Peanut: And thank you, Jack Daniels, for making it all possible.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, School, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes

  • Two fraternity brothers...
  • Infuriated, the other guy yells, "You idiot! Now we have to piss in the boat!"

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Nick Vatterott: Drinking by Yourself
  • I think the saddest part about going out drinking by yourself is tagging yourself in all the pictures the next day.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Dog Talk
  • Finally the Chihuahua says, 'Liver alone -- cheese mine.'

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Partying & Bad Behavior, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Classic Booty Call... Money
  • Would you rather I buy you a drink or just give you the money for it?

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Denis Leary: Legalizing Pot
  • California votes against legalizing pot. Great -- now no one will smoke it.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Disney World & Viagra
  • A: They both make you wait an hour for a two-minute ride.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Drink Up
  • A: "Men, Viagra now comes in liquid form. You can pour yourselves a real stiff one."

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Technology

  • Shane Mauss: Magic Mushrooms
  • I took them one time. I apparently had way too many. I was walking around outside. I ended up wandering into a Best Buy because I thought it was the future. And then I unknowingly ended up in the camcorder department and I saw in one of the TVs what I tho

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    Jokes about: Animal, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Termite Fun. Yep, Termite Fun.
  • Where is the bar tender?

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • John Mulaney: Not Doing Things
  • Percentage wise, it is 100% easier not to do things than to do them, and so much fun not to do them -- especially when you were supposed to do them. In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Demetri Martin: No See-Saws
  • When you have a fat friend, there are no see-saws, only catapults.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Mixed Signals
  • "Hey thanks, dude!" says the customer. "Make it whiskey."

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Wendy Liebman: Abstinence
  • The only way to have safe sex is to abstain -- from drinking.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Glazed Over
  • "Gee, officer," the man replies. "Your eyes are awfully glazed -- have you been eating doughnuts?"

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    Jokes about: Animal, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Stumpy Legged Pink Dog
  • The owner says, “Until I cut his tail off and painted it pink it was the same breed as every other alligator.”

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • A Skeleton Walks Into a Bar...
  • A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Give me shot -- and a mop."

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Sherry Davey: On Ozzy Osbourne
  • All the years this guy did drugs, no one could have slipped him some calcium?

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Ben Kronberg: Solitaire Drinking Game
  • Recently learned how to make solitaire into a drinking game...You just sit there with a deck of undealt cards and think about how lonely you are.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Rubber Bar
  • Two condoms are walking down a street in San Francisco and pass a bar. One condom nudges the other condom and asks, "Hey, want to go get s**t-faced?"

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Viagra and Mr. Clean
  • Q: What happens when you mix Viagra with Mr. Clean?

    A: Rise and shine.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior

  • Stupid Stoners
  • Zero, the only way a stoner would get off his lazy a$$ and change a light bulb is if he thought he hid his stash in the socket.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Jim Breuer: Stumping a Stoner
  • You can stump any stoner with one question: what were we just talking about?

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Tequila Poem
  • One Tequila... two Tequila... three tequila... FLOOR!

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Susan Messing: Potheads and Light Bulbs, Pt. 1
  • How many potheads does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, you all use candles.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Marc Maron: Drug Testing Comedians
  • They are not testing comics for drugs. If our job is dependent on that, there would be three working comics in the country, and two of them would have puppets.

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    Jokes about: Partying & Bad Behavior, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Arj Barker: Never Drive on Grass
  • I never smoke grass and drive my car because, for one thing, no matter how many letters I write to the road commissions, they still refuse to start designing highways with second-chance exits.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Walks into a Bar

  • Walks Into a Bar... Got Grapes?
  • A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

    The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.

    The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"

    Again, the bartender tells him, "No -- the bar does not ser

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