All the jokes -

Jokes about: News and Politics

  • North vs. South
  • The North has Dan Quayle
    The South has Bill Clinton 

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    Jokes about: Blue Collar, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Country Politics
  • A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.

    The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few da

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    Jokes about: Blue Collar, Dirty, Men/Women, Nationality, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Louis, The French Fighter Pilot
  • Louis, the French Fighter Pilot, was lying with his mistress naked in bed. As he was kissing her red, red lips, he stopped.
    "To kiss your red lips, I need red wine." So he poured red wine over her lips and continued to kiss her. He moved on to her white,

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Nationality, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Carlos Mencia: Bombing Japan
  • We dropped two bombs on Nagasaki and Hiroshima, and the name of the plane that delivered the weapons was the Enola Gay. Do you know why? Because we wanted them to know that they were about to get boned in the ass.

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, Nationality, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Bill Santiago: Specific Ethnic Reality
  • Your specific reality depends on where your people come from, right? For example, Mexicans get shot trying to get into this country, Cubans get shot trying to get out of their own country, Puerto Ricans get shot just for trying to have a country.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • The Aggie, the Longhorn, and the Goat
  • The Aggie says, “Yeah, but do I have to stick my head in the fence?”

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Confucious Say... Peanut Butter
  • Confucious say: 'Man with d**k in peanut butter jar is f**king nuts.'

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Judy Gold: Performing for Bill Clinton
  • I performed at a Democratic fundraiser in Miami Beach about two and a half years ago, and I performed for Bill Clinton. I did stand-up comedy for him as well.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, News & Politics, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Lincoln Booty Call... Debate
  • Look, we can debate this all night.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Marriage, Men/Women, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • David Feldman: Clinton-Lewinsky Scandal
  • I would like to be able to watch the evening news with my family and not have to explain what oral sex means to my wife.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • In the Navy
  • Q: In the Navy, how do they separate the men from the boys?

    A: With a crowbar.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, News & Politics, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Lincoln Booty Call... Beard
  • Let me know if my beard tickles.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • The D.C. Hookers Read the Paper
  • A prostitute on the street was approached by a young man. He asked her how much. She replied $100 for a blow job, $150 for sex, and $250 for a Monica. Knowing what the first two were he was curious about the third so he asked her what a Monica was. Sh

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Confucious Say... Park A-OK
  • Confucious say, "Is good for girl to meet boy in park but is better for boy to park meat in girl."

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    Jokes about: Animal, Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes

  • George of the Jungle
  • "What did you do that?" she exclaimed.
    He replied, "Gotta check for squirrels."

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Runny Noodle
  • Ian replied, "Pepper."

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    Jokes about: Dirty, News & Politics, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Lincoln Booty Call... Address
  • Can I give you my Gettysburg address? No? How about my Gettysburg phone number?

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    Jokes about: Dirty, News & Politics, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Lincoln Booty Call... Hat
  • Can I leave my hat on?

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Jack Coen: Not the Same for Bill Clinton
  • When I was younger, if a girlfriend was bothering a president, the CIA killed her.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Taliban Snippet
  • It gives them a place to put their bubblegum during a sandstorm.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Santa Singh
  • Santa Singh, the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the vacuum cleaner.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Technology

  • Gregg Rogell: Cell Phones vs. Anthrax
  • Cell phones can give you brain tumors, and yet the anthrax only killed five people. Maybe the terrorists should have just called us on our cell phones.

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    Jokes about: Doctor, Kids, Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Maria Bamford: Depressed American Kids
  • I was reading in the paper that a lot of kids in the United States are suffering from depression. Younger and younger, our children are seeing the sippy-cup as half empty.

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    Jokes about: Food, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Denis Leary: Resuming Air Travel
  • Iran, Egypt to resume air travel after 31-year freeze. Flight attendants will offer you a choice of beef, chicken or enriched uranium.

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    Jokes about: Food, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • John Oliver: New Boston Tea Party
  • I took a tip from your history books, and the day after election day, I got a truckload of Dr. Pepper and just drove it straight into Boston Harbor. See how you like your favorite beverage being drowned.

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    Jokes about: Food, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • John Ridley: Indian Restaurants
  • I never even thought about going to an Indian restaurant for dinner because, as far as I know, there is no food in India. So, why bother, really? What are they going to do -- bring your meal to you in a little box from Unicef?

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    Jokes about: God, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Myq Kaplan: Had It Rough
  • The Jews have had it rough. I have some distant cousins that got sucked into one of these pyramid schemes -- you know, building them in Egypt. Too soon?

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    Jokes about: God, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Arj Barker: 4th of July
  • I read this on the Internet -- did you know that 4th of July is more popular in this country than in any other country in the whole world?

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    Jokes about: God, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Dwayne Kennedy: 9/11 Reaction
  • I started reading the Bible, the Torah, the Koran, back issues of the Green Lantern, you know what I mean? I was like an atheist with a B plan.

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    Jokes about: God, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Teacher Arrested

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, God, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • DL Hughley: Different Religious Beliefs
  • We have different religious beliefs. Here we believe, in this country, that if you kill yourself, it is a sin and you go to Hell. They believe if they kill themselves fighting their enemy, it is an honor and they go to Heaven. And the f**ked up thing abou

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    Jokes about: God, Men/Women, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Make-a-Wish Foundation
  • So God sent him Mother Theresa.

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    Jokes about: God, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • The Jewish Vote
  • He said, "Well, the last time Jews listened to a bush, they wandered in the desert for 40 years."

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    Jokes about: God, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Dan Mintz: Holocaust Survivor
  • My grandfather was actually a Holocaust survivor, and you can tell that it really affected him because to this day, he still will not walk into a gas chamber.

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    Jokes about: Animal, God, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • What do you get when you cross a Scottish...
  • The Dolly Llama.

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    Jokes about: God, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Greg Fitzsimmons: New York Airport Safety Precautions
  • Last time I was out here was not too long after 9/11, and you could not drive a car to the airport at that time. That was one of the first safety precautions: only taxis could go to the airport. Because, really, what better way of stemming the flow of Mus

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    Jokes about: God, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Judah Friedlander: On Shintoism
  • I mean -- a reverence for nature, spirits and ancestors with no formal dogma? Get real, Japan.

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    Jokes about: God, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, School, Miscellaneous

  • Marc Maron: The Appeal of George W. Bush
  • He does have that weird mixture of born again Christian and stupid that some people mistake for courage and focus.

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    Jokes about: God, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Lizz Winstead: Jesse Helms
  • You know the last time Jesse Helms kissed a Jew, he got 30 pieces of silver for it.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Dragging Their Feet
  • The other points his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • A Little Cannibalism Humor
  • Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Police & Military, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes, Gross

  • The Hurt Bird and the S**t
  • The man replied, "You scared the s**t out of the bird."

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    Jokes about: Blonde, Men/Women, News & Politics, School, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Goverment Wrestling Federation
  • Back

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes, Gross

  • English, Irish & Scottish Football
  • "I support Arsenal," said the Irishman. "But I seem to have lost my appetite."

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • The Three Generals
  • The general said, 'I left them back in Vietnam.'

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Gross

  • Jeffrey Dahmer Ends the Relationship
  • Q: What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his boyfriend?

    A: He wiped.

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    Jokes about: Insults, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Richard Lewis: Harvard Rat Study
  • There was a big study in Boston, Harvard, a big medical test. Rats would rather starve than not do a Quayle joke.

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    Jokes about: Insults, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Clinton, Bush & Washington
  • Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"

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    Jokes about: Insults, Lawyer, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Bad Lawyer
  • Q: What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad?

    A: Senator.

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    Jokes about: Blonde, Insults, Men/Women, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Hostage Escape Tactics
  • A blonde and a redhead are taken hostage by terrorists. The women are taken to a remote island and put before a firing squad.

    Just before the squad fires, the redhead points and yells, "Tornado!" The terrorists run in all different directions, and the

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    Jokes about: Insults, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Lewis Black: Difference Between Democrats and Republicans
  • What is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican? A Democrat blows; a Republican sucks.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Insults, Men/Women, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Steve Marmel: Pauly Shore vs. Bill Clinton
  • Pauly Shore gets better ass than our president.

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    Jokes about: Insults, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Russian Beauties
  • A tourist.

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    Jokes about: Insults, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Definition of Diplomacy
  • A: The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

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    Jokes about: Insults, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • W. Kamau Bell: On Condoleezza Rice
  • Condoleezza Rice -- never before has so much evil come together with so much ugly.

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    Jokes about: Insults, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Jonathan Solomon: On George H. W. Bush
  • He reminds me of the kid in fifth grade who reminded the teacher she forgot to give the homework.

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    Jokes about: Insults, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Whats the difference between Saddam Hussein ...
  • The bucket.

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    Jokes about: Insults, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • The Four Ghosts of the White House

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    Jokes about: Insults, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes

  • Daniel Tosh: Watching Soccer
  • If you like soccer, then welcome to America. See, our country already has entertainment so watching people chase a ball for four hours to end 0 - 0 is not enjoyable -- unless, of course, the bleachers collapse and half of Europe dies.

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    Jokes about: Kids, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Christopher Titus: Newborn
  • I know pushing out babies is hard. But on September 11, I panicked and tried to push one back.

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    Jokes about: Kids, News & Politics, Police & Military, School, Miscellaneous

  • Jim David: Capital Punishment
  • I believe in capital punishment, and since I was a former teacher, I believe in starting it at the eighth grade level.

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    Jokes about: Kids, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • The Michael Jackson Doll
  • Q: Did you hear about the new Michael Jackson doll?

    A: You wind it up and it plays with your kids.

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    Jokes about: Kids, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Dan St. Germain: Child Actors
  • I really think that the lives of child actors are way more depressing than child soldiers.

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    Jokes about: Kids, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Ryan Stout: Beijing Fire
  • Beijing, China schoolhouse burned down. Did you see that? Killed 25 kids -- awful. And the worst part is, they all got out of the building OK, but they just ran around it and then darted back inside. I mean, what kind of drills are they teaching these kid

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Kids, Little Johnny, Men/Women, Nationality, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, School, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes

  • Sex Ed
  • “Yes it does,” said Johnny, ” it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne.”

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Work

  • A Lawyer and A Politician
  • What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?
    Chelsea Clinton.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Screwing the Justice System
  • Q: How many US Attorney Generals does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: I cannot recall that particular answer at this time.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Saddam Hussein in a Foxhole
  • Shoot the lawyer twice.

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    Jokes about: Lawyer, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Sharing
  • Then the American threw the lawyer out the window, saying...

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    Jokes about: Marriage, Men/Women, Nationality, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Laurie Kilmartin: Immigrant Boyfriend
  • Nothing helps you win an argument like having the INS on speed-dial.

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    Jokes about: Marriage, Men/Women, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Earthquake: O.J. Messed It Up
  • I was going to get me a white woman, but O.J. messed it up for everybody. He set interracial dating back a thousand years.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Marriage, Men/Women, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Sue Kolinsky: Changes in Dating
  • Far cry from when our parents got married, huh?... Probably the first time they had sex was on their honeymoon. Boy, times have changed. Not only have I had sex with my boyfriend, so have some of my girlfriends.

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    Jokes about: Men/Women, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Madame President
  • Bill Clinton.

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    Jokes about: Men/Women, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • The Deserted Island
  • On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman, 2 French men and 1 French woman, 2 German men and 1 German woman, 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman, 2 English men and 1 English w

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    Jokes about: Marriage, Men/Women, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Kevin Kataoka: Good Old Days
  • Whatever happened to the good old days when a boy could meet a girl just by attacking her village?

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Greg Giraldo: Head of the EPA
  • Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA. You know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the environment is hopeless, you gotta really think that one through.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Felipe Esparza: Coalition Forces
  • The war in Iraq is still going on. The British are helping. Mexico wants to help, but they need a ride over there.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Flies in the Beer
  • An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down, and one lands in each of the pints.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Chicken Chat
  • A: He was studying foreign languages.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Afghani Joe
  • A: Osama bin Latte

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Arkansas Fried Chicken
  • Two breasts and a left wing.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Kyle Kinane: This Is America
  • This is America. It is my God given right to be loudly opinionated about something I am completely ignorant of.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Hostile Happy Hour
  • He got bombed.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Ethnic Joke
  • A: By looking over your shoulder.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Alexander & Kermit
  • A: Their middle names.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Jon Dore: Ability to Hide
  • My grandfather avoided the Holocaust with his ability to hide, and by not being Jewish, and by living in Canada his entire life -- all about strategy.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • The Italian Boy
  • A: So he could look like his mama.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Abortion Bill
  • The politician replied, "Shhhhh -- just pay it."

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Inventions by Idiots
  • 5. Screen door on a submarine.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Irish Fun
  • Did you hear about the 25 Irish people that drowned?
    They were riverdancing.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Fox Hole
  • A: Bestiality.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • The Aging Explorer
  • The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went ''ROARRRR!''"

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    Jokes about: Animal, Blue Collar, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • The Fish-Eating Competition
  • So they had the final; the Mayor fired the starting pistol and they started eating the tench. No sooner had Mr. Hicks bitten the fish than one of his teeth fell out. He couldn't eat because of this so he stopped, but the Mayor refused to stop the compet

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    Jokes about: Money, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Jimmy Tingle: Noble Public Servants
  • Congress is going to start paying their own parking tickets. What noble public servants. Imagine the commitment of these people, paying their own parking tickets. Hey fellas, you want to impress us? Pay our parking tickets.

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    Jokes about: Money, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Mike Lawrence: Windowless S**t Palace
  • I live in a basement now... this is my routine every night: I have to lift a metal grate with my two hands, walk down a staircase holding a lantern and push cobwebs out of my face. So every night I go to bed, I feel like a Republican senator feeding his g

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Those Polish Gourmets
  • A: Because they lost the recipe.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Jeffrey Ross: On Iraq
  • At this point we should just make it the 51st state. Welcome to Iraqachusetts: live free and die.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Nationality, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • David Feldman: Vacationing in Amsterdam
  • I was just vacationing in Amsterdam, where prostitution is legal. Let me rephrase that -- I was just vacationing in Amsterdam because prostitution is legal.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Self-Explanatory
  • An Irishman walks out of a bar.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • The Mexican Firefighter
  • Q. What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
    A. Hose A and Hose B

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    Jokes about: Animal, Dirty, Men/Women, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Tatonka
  • "Ground sticky."

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    Jokes about: Animal, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Bee Pee
  • A: At the BP station.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Siamese Twins
  • Q: Why did the Siamese twins move to England?
    A: So the other one could drive.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Paris Native
  • A: A parasite.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Zambian Roulette
  • As usual, things were not going well at the United Nations. Thus, many visiting ambassadors had to room together. It just so happend that Vladimir, the Russian Ambassador, and Umballa, the Zambian Ambassador, were sharing a suite. To pass the time, Vl

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Tom Cotter: Dressed to Kill
  • I was on a plane three weeks ago, and I was dressed to kill. I had a turban, a beard, exploding sandals.....

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Stand-Up Gandhi
  • A man once asked Gandhi what he thought of western civilization.

    "I think it would be a good idea."

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Laloo Flies the Friendly Skies
  • To which Laloo replied, "65 kgs," and moved on.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Sardarji Editor
  • Annoyed by the event, the next day in the meeting, his first point towards improvement of railway department was: "There should not be last coach in any train."

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • The Amputated P.O.W.
  • An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told him, “Englander,your arm is infected with gangrene vee must cut it off.”
    The English prisoner

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • John Oliver: Campaign Ads
  • Campaign ads are the backbone of American democracy -- if American democracy suffered a gigantic spinal injury.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Irish on Vacation
  • Q: Where does an Irish person go on avacation?
    A: A new bar

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Prime Minister Material
  • Son: Dad, at your age, he had become the Prime Minister of England.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • What do Saddam and Miss Muffet have in ...
  • They both have Kurds in their Way!

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous

  • Shine On, You Crazy Fratboy!
  • 11 - One to hold the lightbulb, and 10 to drink until the room spins.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • What did the troops say to Bush & Rumsfeld...
  • We Kuwait!

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Sex and The Country
  • A Frenchman and an Italianwere seated next to an Englishman on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the menbegan discussing their home lives.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Andy Kindler: Amsterdam Vices
  • Over there, they smoke pot. They mix it with hash and tobacco, and they roll it together. The reason why they do that -- they have so many vices, they need to combine them.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Down in the Ocean
  • A: A good start.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, School, Miscellaneous

  • Craig Anton: Second Language Course
  • I want to take one of those English as a Second Language courses -- just go in and blow everybody away on the first day.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Saddam Hussein
  • What did Saddam Hussein have in common with his father?
    Neither knew when to pull out!

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Death by Mexican
  • The guy replies, "Yeah...pull my finger."

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    Jokes about: Blonde, Dirty, Men/Women, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • German Woman Takes a Walk
  • She screams, 'Nein! Nein!' so two guys walk away.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Jake Johannsen: Border Security
  • My plan for illegal immigration is very simple: burning river of gas. Yes -- with the whole border, burning river of gas. And I say we do Canada, too, just to be fair. We do not need Alan Thicke coming down here whenever he wants.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Confucious Say...Runs Behind Bus
  • Confucious say, 'Man who runs behind bus is going to get exhausted.'

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes

  • Dan Ahdoot: Cuban Swimmers
  • We have all these Cuban refugees who swam here from Cuba. But how many Cubans are there on the U.S. swim team? It would be so easy -- all you have to do is paint a picture of Florida on either side.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Jamie Kaler: Thought About Adopting
  • I did think about adopting -- an 18-year-old girl from Thailand, whose hobbies include vacuuming and some light dusting.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • What do Saddam Hussien and General Custer ...
  • They were wondering where all of those Tomahawks were coming from.

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    Jokes about: Animal, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Two Of These Things Belong Together
  • The whale -- the other two are both crustaceans.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Christopher Titus: Apologizing for Whitey
  • To every race of people in here tonight that whitey has jacked up, I sincerely apologize -- for taking your land, for the abuse, for the torture, for the small pox blanket, for the Jim Crow laws. Black people, I apologize for Kramer.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Bill Santiago: Latinos Are the Biggest Minority
  • Of all the people there are least of, we are the biggest of that group.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Owen Smith: Born in the Bahamas
  • I was born in the Bahamas -- Nassau, Bahamas. Yeah, came to the United States when I was one because I needed work.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Peter Johansson: Customs Security Search
  • When customs finds something in your butt, how do you act surprised?

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Rock da House
  • When they look out of their window, they both see rubble.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Partying & Bad Behavior, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • Patton Oswalt: U.S. Pot vs. Amsterdam Pot
  • The best marijuana that you smoke in the United States, you may as well be smoking shoelaces compared to the stuff they have [in Amsterdam.] The bud left its parents on Krypton.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Light Reading
  • 1. The Italian Book Of War Heroes
    2. The Norwegian Book Of Cookery
    3. The Scottish Book Of Knowledge

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Those Shady Frenchies
  • So the Germans can march in the shade.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Question for a Scotsman
  • "No, lassie," he replies. "Everything is in fine working order."

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Work

  • Greg Giraldo: Pursuing Dreams in America
  • People come to this country from all over the world to pursue their dreams of driving a taxi or selling hot dogs or working in a sweatshop.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • New Words
  • A boy from France comes to America. He wants to learn some new words so he goes to the airport and learns "take off." Then he learnes "zebra" from the zoo and "baby" from the hospital. Then he goes home and says, 'Mommy, I learned new words today.' She s

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Greg Giraldo: Napoleon Complex
  • Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?

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    Jokes about: Kids, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • What did the Hispanic fireman...
  • A: Jose.

  •   

    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Politically Speaking
  • "Nothing. He got elected."

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Private Baby
  • A: The infantry.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • German Vasoline
  • A: Vienerschlide.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Jon Lajoie: Dreamt of a World
  • John Lennon imagined a world filled with peace and love. Martin Luther King dreamt of a world free from racial discrimination and oppression. The guy who invented the Frisbee, dreamt of a world where people would throw a fat, circular object at each other

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Touchy Feely Cracky
  • "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy replied. "I work for the IRS. Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?"

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    Jokes about: Animal, Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Leek Limerick
  • There was a man from Leek
    Who instead of a nose had a beak.
    It grew quite absurd, till he looked like a bird
    He migrates at the end of next week.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Rod Man: Too Much Walking
  • I would have not been a good civil rights movement person because that was too much walking at one time. They would have to come to the house and see me then.

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Steve White: Looting
  • People make it seem like looting is bad. Looting is not bad. America was formed by looting. Any Indians here? Course not! See what I mean?

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • What is the first thing
  • How to surrender in at least 10 languages.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Senate Slander
  • After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

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    Jokes about: Animal, Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Scott LaRose: Angry T. Rexes
  • The T. Rexes were all angry. You know why? Because these huge muscular creatures with these big muscular legs and these tiny little hands! How would you feel, 60 million years never being able to masturbate? That is the real reason dinosaurs are extinct r

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Political Pampers
  • You have to change them both often, and for the same reason.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • The True Story
  • And that is how the whole misunderstanding occurred.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Tattooed Wang
  • "Three reasons:  I like to play with my money, I like to watch my money grow, and this way my wife can blow a hundred bucks without leaving the house."

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • World War III
  • Bush turned to Powell and said, "See, I told you no one would worry aboutthe 10 million Afghans!"

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Republican Light Bulb Replacement Policy
  • How many Republicans does it take to change a light bulb?

    Three. One to change the bulb, one to call the media and publicize it, and one to blame the electric bill on the Democrats.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Technology, Work

  • Microsoft and a Halter Top
  • Both offer very little support!

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Perambulating Candadians
  • He saw some American do it on TV.

  •   

    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Taliban Bingo
  • B-52, F-15, B-1...

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Technology, Work

  • Bill Gates and General Motors
  • Bill Gates is hanging out with the chairman of General Motors.

    "If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades," boasts Gates, "you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top spee

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Politicians & Screwdrivers
  • A: A screwdriver turns in screws; politicians screw interns.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Woods After Sex
  • Q: What does Tiger Woods say to his wife after having sex?

    A: I will be home in 20 minutes, dear.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Jackie Kashian: Bin Laden in Nebraska
  • I have a theory that Osama bin Laden is hiding in North Platte, Nebraska, and that we should bomb it just in case. If I am wrong, what have we lost?

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Little Wanky
  • "The truth is," replied the politician, "that she has a big mouth."

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Senile... Like a FOX!

  •   

    Jokes about: Dirty, News & Politics, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Lincoln Booty Call... Title
  • You know, they also used to call me "The Great De-pants-inator."

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Sleeping Beauty, Hercules and Don Juan
  • Don Juan goes in last but when he comes out he is very angry and confused. He exclaims,'Who the hell is Bill Clinton?!?'

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    Jokes about: Dirty, News & Politics, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Washington Booty Call... Tree
  • I cannot tell a lie. I call this "the cherry tree"... but not because of the fruit.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Roman Warrior
  • Q: What do you call a roman warrior after oral sex?

    A: Gladiator.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Taxation
  • Because for every $50 you earn, you get 10 and they get 40.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, School, Miscellaneous

  • Bush Gets Testy
  • A: Drool.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Tickle Me Dirty Politics
  • In Washington D.C. they ran out Tickle Me Elmo dolls, so now they have Fondle Me Packwood dolls.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, School, Miscellaneous

  • D.A.M.
  • A: Mothers Against Dyslexia.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Tom Kenny: Another Postal Situation
  • Well, I saw that it happened again -- another postal worker went crazy with a gun. I think if the postal service had any balls, they would issue a series of stamps commemorating all the people who have been killed by mailmen.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Government vs. Mafia
  • A: One of them is organized.

  •   

    Jokes about: News & Politics

  • John Oliver: The Music of the People
  • Democracy is like a tambourine: not everyone can be trusted with it.

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Surprise!
  • After a moment of stunned silence, he replies, "Who is this?"

  •   

    Jokes about: News & Politics

  • Roe v. Wade
  • His Comment: "That must have been the decision that the great George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Voodoo Enronomics
  • Enron Capitalism: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt-equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Virgins in Caves
  • Never Bin Laidon

  •   

    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Taliban Tank Trix
  • Shoot the guy pushing it!

  •   

    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Screw The World
  • One wants to screw the world and one already has!

  •   

    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • I Feel Really Bad For The Post Office
  • Job opening!

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    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • What is Six Inches Long?
  • What is 6 inches long, has a big head, and drives women wild?

    A hundred dollar bill!

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • White House Visitors
  • A tourist.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • The Quotable Marion Barry
  • "I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man."

  •   

    Jokes about: News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Wright, Right?
  • But two Wrights can make an airplane!

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    Jokes about: Dirty, News & Politics, Pick-Up Lines, Miscellaneous

  • Washington Booty Call... Minutemen
  • I cannot tell a lie. All those other guys are just Minutemen.

  •   

    Jokes about: Dirty, Men/Women, News & Politics, Miscellaneous

  • Presidential surprise
  • "The handwriting's the first lady's."

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    Jokes about: Dark Humor, News & Politics, Police & Military, Miscellaneous

  • Steve Shaffer: Conspiracy Theory
  • I, too, have a conspiracy theory. I believe that Einstein was killed by the mafia because he knew too much.

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous

  • Whitehouse Parrot
  • The guy says, "I know. I just like hearing it!"

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    Jokes about: News & Politics, Pop Culture & Celebrity, Miscellaneous, Sports & Athletes

  • The Wizard of Oz
  • Clinton thought a moment and asked, 'Ummm... Is Dorothy around?'

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    Jokes about: Nationality, News & Politics, Miscellaneous, Travel & Car

  • John Caparulo: Traveling in Canada
  • I have never been so glad to be back in America, where people speak Spanish.

  •